His eyes had become so distant. Their warm amber glow had been dying like the last embers of a flame.
His touch had become so cold. The soft, gentle caresses lost in old and now painful memories.
You couldn't comprehend what he was feeling anymore, such loss was so foreign to you... unless losing him was on the table. Never had you truly had a father... and now he didn't either.
Raphael stood on the edge of the rooftop, the wind blowing the trailing material of his mask as he stared blankly at the city life beneath him. Following him was all you could do; watching him from a distance... his brothers had said that he needed space. The pain you felt was incredible... but his must be incomprehensible.
Master Splinter had been the only father he'd ever had. His only source of solace for years, and now fate had robbed him of his father.
His head was bowed, looking down on the life of the city. The life...
You recalled him always saying that he wanted their life... something simple, where troubles weren't so deadly, and fear was something as trivial as a spider on the ceiling.
Against all warning you made your way to him, even if he didn't want you... you wanted him. Once behind him you saw him turn just enough to see you, and his dying amber eyes looked down sadly, the anger in them buried beneath a mound of sorrow. Looking up at him you took his hand and rested your cheek against his palm, missing his touch. Your fingers curled around his and he stepped down to be with you.
With his hand still pressed to your cheek he wrapped his other arm around your waist and leaned his forehead on the top of your head.
Two little words escaped him, "He's gone..."
The pain in his voice made your heart ache. You turned your face slightly and kissed his hand, whispering, "But never forgotten..."
Tears welled in his eyes and he closed them, hiding them from you. Gently you shushed him, leaning up to kiss his cheek and murmuring, "He's never going to be truly gone Raphael..."
Your hand pressed against his chest, "Every memory keeps him alive... you don't have to let him go... not until you're ready."
He squeezed you tighter and his face buried itself in the crook of your neck. Quietly you kissed his shoulder and your hand ran down his arm whispering gently, "Remember everything else you have Raphael... Sensei wouldn't want you to be like this..."
Raph shook with silent sobs and quiet tears, he hadn't cried in front of anyone since Master Splinter had passed away. Gently you reached up and untied his mask, pulling it away and letting his tears fall onto your shoulder. You brushed your hand over a scratch in his shell, somewhat of a sensitive spot and he shivered a little. He had needed your company more than he would admit, but his sorrow prevented him from enjoying it.
After a moment he had stopped crying, so that he stood just holding you. His face was hidden, but his heart was still heavy. You kissed his neck, "Raphael?"
He blinked and then stood up straighter again, his head still bowed. Seeing him without his mask gave you a chill and you brushed your hand over the side of his face. When he spoke his voice was hoarse, "What is it [Name]?"
You leaned up and kissed his snout, then his forehead, standing on your tip toes and then tucking your head underneath his chin, "Do you think we'll be okay?"
Raph was quiet for a moment, but then he kissed the top of your head, "Always..."
Despite the grief that both of you were weighed with, you felt a fluttering feeling in your stomach. He ran his hand along your back between your shoulder blades, his lips resting against the top of your head. You moved carefully, looking up so that you could see his eyes. The dying embers were burning brighter, as though the fire was rekindling.
With a small smile you leaned up into a kiss, and it was as if you had never kissed him before. Raphael gripped you firmly, his eyes closing as he leaned in. With his mask clutched in one hand you wrapped your arms around his neck, tilting your head and letting him in. There were no words to describe the feeling he gave you.
You moaned into the kiss as his tongue brushed against yours and you felt him smile a little, you pressed yourself closer to him. Above the two of you thunder rumbled and a few drops of rain began to fall.
Raphael broke off the kiss and looked up, "Damn..."
Grinning you kissed his collar bone, "You know what they say about rain after death?"
He looked down curiously, "No? What...?"
You hugged him warmly, despite the cool sting of rain, "It's a sign that the soul is being welcomed into heaven... the rain is cleansing the spirit..."
Raph looked up again, "So Sensei is up there?"
Kissing his chest you murmur, "I wouldn't imagine him anywhere else... except maybe..." you put your finger over his heart, "here... or maybe..." you tap the side of his head, "Here..."
There's a moment where Raphael stands still, looking up at the sky, and then he smiles a little sadly, "It seems so far..."
You look up as well, "It is... but we'll see him again... eventually. I'm sure he'd be pretty pissed off if we saw him now..."
Raph chuckles slightly, "Right..." He looks back down and wipes some of the water from your face, "Let's go home..."
Looking at him, you nod.
The two of you disappear into the night, together.
Once you had returned to the lair, the two of you hid away in Raphael's room. Once again Raphael's eyes were warm and welcoming for you, they praised your body and fluttered shut at your touch. His hands caressed you gently as the two of you exchanged soft touches and quiet moans. The grief that the two of you had felt so painfully was erased, and was replaced by a much stronger feeling.
In the quiet of the night you rested your head on his chest, your voice filled with this new emotion, "I love you Raphael..."
His voice washed over you warmly as he responded, "I love you [Name]..."